"You", Me, Him

So that's why "you" should stop to see me as a happy and contented person.
Having this and that.
I tell "you" what, I'd trade what I have now just to sip the happiness that other people have.
To finally feel peace and not nervous and being jumpy.
To stop worrying about what is going to happen on the next day.
I'd do that.

So please please and please...
I've shown so much sign, "you" know when I complained,
"you" heard me crying about it,
I told "you" that I want to find a new life,
yet "you" told me to hang on.

I know "you" dont want me to give up, but this is eating me up from the inside.
I can hang on here, but I'm rather scared to see the impact of it in the future.
I know "you" love me, and I love "you" too so that I don't want to just leave until "you" say I can leave.

I told him too, hoping that he will deliver my message to both of "you"
I wish he would talk, because I know that "you" would listen.
If "you" hear what I told him, will you let me go ?
Will "you" ask me to change my life ?

I'm waiting for "you" to tell me that it's okay to find a new life
I love "you" so much so that I dont want "you" to be stressed because of me

I know "you" haven't heard so much about me, since there's distance between us.
I know "you" didn't see me when I am having a rough time in my life.
I know "you" can't hear when I make a wish before I go to bed to not wake up on the next day, when I was so depressed.
I know "you" can't hear me crying in the shower or on the bed till I fall asleep.

It's not "your" fault.
I wasn't with "you", and somehow I don't want "you" to know.

And sometimes I also asked my self
Am I too weak ?
Am I not strong enough ?
Is this a test ?
Do I have to hang on?

Then I think again :
I'm not happy, I should help myself
I'm depressed, I should help myself

If I don't help myself, then who would ?

Am I complain too much ?
Or is me who just a baby ?

I don't know.
That's why I'm still here.
I need to hear from "you"

Will "you" talk to me about this ?

Someday maybe we will